Not exaclty glowing in pregnancy


Reagan last week at her cousins sweet 16 birthday party!


Eden in March a few weeks before she passed away.

Sorry for missing yesterday...

March 16th: The birth of our beautiful little girls was traumatic. I had come to a point in my pregnancy where it was no longer safe for me to be pregnant and no longer safe for the girls to stay inside me. The risks to me were seizure, stroke or death and I had an amazingly caring Perinatologist tell me that it was time to be done with the pregnancy. As most of you know, I was in great shape, ate organic, got lots of sleep and lived a very healthy lifestyle prior to pregnancy. So to feel that my body was betraying me and my babies was difficult. It’s a pain that I will deal with for the rest of my life. My pregnancy brought on severe pre-eclampsia, HELLP syndrome which is life-threating complication in pregnancy that can result in kidney and liver failure (hence twice daily lab draws- ugh my poor veins), an incompetent cervix and the worst- a placental abruption which occurred shortly before my already emergent c-section. It’s amazing what happens to you when you become a mother, I didn’t care about myself all I wanted to do was to keep my babies safe and to know that they were OK. Scott and I were terrified on August 2nd, 2010 as I lay waiting for my c-section to begin. We knew that the babies were small, but Eden she was tiny. The Neonatologists told us maybe even too tiny to intubate (put a breathing tube in her throat), but they wouldn’t know until she was born and they could try. We haven’t told a lot of people about that detail. The reality was that as soon as I got the spinal because I was in severe pain prior to that because of the placental abruption I felt at peace. I felt that God was in control. He was telling me that they would be OK. I felt calm (partially due to the medications- ahhhhh love those pain meds) but I know that God gave me this peace because He had a plan. He had/has a plan for beautiful Reagan and he had/has a plan for tiny Eden.
Just because I realize this plan is in place does not mean I’m accepting completely of it, I struggle every day. I want my sweet baby Eden in my arms. I don’t want to have to honor her life this way, I would rather hold her and have her grow up with her sister. But I am here and Eden is only in my heart now so the best way that I can honor God’s plan is to do what he asks of me and try to help others in Eden’s precious honor.

March 17th: Eden, I know that you watch over your sister all the time but I think you (and everyone else) would want an update on how’s she’s doing. Your sister Reagan is an amazing miracle- she never ceases to amaze us every day. You would be such great friends.

Reagan is walking and running everywhere. She doesn’t want us to hold her hand all the time because she knows that she can do it on her own. She likes to climb on playground equipment and go down the slide by herself.

Reagan loves to help with almost everything. She wants me to pick her up so that she can put clothes in the washer, she likes to “help” with the dishes in the dishwasher, she washes her hands, she takes off her coat and shoes when we get home and she likes to hold Lilly’s lease when we go for walks.

We had a visit with her pulmonologist last week and he is thrilled with her pulmonary status. We asked about the possibility of asthma and because she hasn’t been sick we don’t know. He is so happy and shocked that she hasn’t been sick that he doesn’t need to see her for 9 months.

Reagan is starting to eat little bites of food!! We have an OT come to our house once a week and she is also thrilled with the progress that she’s made in only 3 weeks. She will bite, chew and swallow cookies, chicken strips, cantelope and graham crackers. We think this is partially due to the homemade blended formula that we’ve been giving her. My eyes light up when I see her chewing cautiously and then swallowing a bite of food- I am so proud of her!!!

Reagan “talks” all the time, its her own language but she definitely knows what things are and what she wants. She says mamma and baba all day. Sometimes it drives Scott crazy because she will call him mamma. She has expanded her vocabulary to Daddy, mine, bye, hi and oh. We are teaching her new words every day and its so fun to hear her language expand.

I would love to see this two adorable babies doing all of this together. Eden, I know you would be doing the things and I often see you in my mind doing these things and it makes me smile. I love you Eden. I love you Reagan.
Your Mommy