What if's

What's cuter than a baby in a TYR swim bag- its the perfect fit. Who needs a Baby Bjorn?


Best friends. Reagan calls Lilly 'baby'.

I've been thinking about all the what if's lately. It makes me sad to think about these things, but it also helps me think things through. What if the girls were born just a few weeks later.... what if Eden was bigger.... what if the flight to Texas went better.... what if she wasn't so sick when we arrived in Texas... what if Eden would have lived for a few more weeks... what if lungs would've become available for her sooner. Life would be different if Eden had her new lungs, it would've been stressful but wonderful. She would be home, she would be playing with Reagan and cuddling with me at night. If I could change the what if's to reality I would. I would give anything in the world to have Eden here with me. I love her so much.

But I have to remember the other what if's and be thankful to God. What if we would've lost both girls... what if I would've died during delivery (something that wasn't too terribly unlikely)...what if we would've never had almost 8 beautiful months with our sweet Eden. Thinking about the what if's is painful but gives me reason to get out of bed everyday at the same time. Maybe this is confusing... it's just what I am feeling right now.

Reagan is amazing. She is so funny and her personality is developing everyday. She is walking wonderfully. February 2nd she turned 18 months old- its hard to believe! I love her more than anything in the world.