Today was one of those 'it's not fair' days. It's not fair that Eden is gone. It's not fair that Reagan is still fragile. It's not fair that we have medical equipment to deal with. It's not fair that she can't be out in public. It's not fair..... Sure this may sound like a pity party, but really its just not fair. We don't know why we were chosen to go through this, why Reagan has to go through this. I pray everyday for an answer to these whys.
What precipitated all of these feelings was that Scott and I went to the farmer's market this morning, one of our favorite Saturday morning activities. One of the activities that we talked about endlessly and envisioned doing with the girls. Seeing babies in strollers, with bottles, rain boots and no tubes made us sad. We were sad that Eden and Reagan can't be with us in their stroller without tubes. We just don't get the same amount of joy from this anymore, and we're not sure that we ever will again.
Reagan has had some ups and down's this week. She has been vomiting more lately, so we made some adjustments to one of her Rx's. We're praying this works because we hate to see her uncomfortable and screaming in pain. She also hasn't been sleeping as well and we're used to, sometimes waking up screaming. It's either gas pain or teeth pain. On a good note, she did get two teeth! My baby has teeth! Kind of makes me sad... I can't believe she's growing up so fast! She now weighs 15 lbs, 10 oz/7.1 kg. She is also balancing on her hands and knees and getting into the crawling position. We love watching her take developmental steps forward!
Please continue to pray for us, we definitely have bad days like today and we feel so much heartache as we grieve for Eden.